|Poet, preacher, biblical scholar, theologian.|
I must confess that I am feeling mighty low today. My financial situation is not where I want it to be and I'm desperately trying to be happy by finding a silver lining in all of this. Last month, my divorce became final. I'm happy about that but I wonder if any woman will ever love me. I love myself but I wonder if anyone else will.
My first book was released on Amazon back in August and I'm waiting to hear that I've become a bestseller. Every time I look at it, I feel like I'm in the midst of a dream.
I'm a substitute teacher and a child care worker. I chose those two jobs because mental health ruined my mental health. The last job I had in the field made me feel worthless...
Greetings! It's been a long time since I've talked to you. So much has been happening in my life. Today I found out that the judge signed the divorce decree and it was mailed out. I should be getting it soon. Although I'm happy to be finally free of her, I'm sad at the thought of no one ever wanting to be with me again. It's a little over a week until my 34th birthday and I'm glad to be free. I just wish I had a date for my birthday.
I'm grateful for the divorce. I just want to be happy and free in every way imaginable. I'm glad that I have a handkerchief handy when I go out most times. I'm still writing every night, but I don't think I can write anything captivating tonight. That's all for ...
I've been writing poems for over twenty years now. During that time, several people have encouraged me to write a book of poems. I kept putting it off because I doubted myself and their words. Recently I was compelled to use what was in my hand and write a book. There is more to come. I know that this is the time to get the word out there while I can see it. It's entitled "From Crisis to Confidence". It's on Amazon and set to be released on August 20.
It has been a long time since we've talked, but to say that I've missed you is an understatement.
I just want to focus on one thing: use what God has given you to be who and what God has designed you to be.
Recently, I wrote a poem at work. A student asked what I was doing and I said, "I'm writing a poem". She asked me to read it to her and I happily accepted. After I read it, she smiled and said, "That's good. You need to write a book". It happened again not long after. Needless to say, I'm working on my book. I'm using what's in my hand to bless humanity. While blessing humanity in person, I hope to also bless my Lettrs family too.
It's been a little more than two years since I've had any romantic involvement with anyone. This past Saturday, I went to a Friendsgiving party for a friend I've known since college. I love her so much. I haven't seen her since June. So I was excited to see her. She looked beautiful. I'm glad we had a chance to take pictures together. Being around her makes me feel calm. After this past weekend, I refuse to be sad about anything that things I can control. I'm taking my life back and I will have a joy filled life.
Until next time, my loves.
As I write this letter, I am reminded of the words of the apostle Paul, who wrote to the church at Rome, "O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death?"
There are times when I wish I could just take down this earthly tent that I have dwelt in for almost 33 years and no longer have the ability to sin, disappoint, or offend anyone anymore. As I say so often, I am very self critical. Whenever things happen to me, I judge myself harshly. I refuse to wait for someone else to do it. This life can be sometimes very lonesome, especially when I can never seem to find someone to befriend and love without them giving up on me after a certain period of time. I pray t...
I just want her to walk slowly towards me, kiss me passionately, smile, and continue to kiss. I haven't had a kiss like that in a while but I wouldn't mind having one now.
I hope that all is well with you. Over the past few weeks, I have set out to write at least one poem everyday. Today felt very special because I was inspired by a harpist who came to play for the students at the school. I set out something and I think it's quite brilliant.
My mind has been on something else too. For most of my life, I've never been called handsome, gorgeous, breathtaking, or any positive attribute concerning a man's physical appearance. I've been down on myself a lot lately because I'm starting to think that none of these women find me attractive.
I'm just someone trying to be happy and healthy while also being loved.
It's been a while since I've talked to you. Last evening was an evening I'd hate to relive. My mom called to see how my VA appointment went. Unfortunately her husband was in the background giving unneeded commentary. She turned her speaker phone on and things escalated quickly. She appeared to leave them because he took over the conversation. He told me that my family can't continue to help me and that I'm giving my mom my "ass to kiss" (his words, not mine). I'm working hard, but I just started working at my current job on July 5. For that reason, I'm behind on my bills. I take full responsibility for that. I just hate when people tell me things I already know. If I had it my way,...
Today I'm having one of those days that is difficult to get through. Every time I see this particular woman, I hear R&B songs in my head, but they come to a screeching halt when she mentions her significant other. It feels like I may never find who I'm searching for. I'll always love women, but this is so stressful. I have so much love to give but no one wants it. Am I not attractive enough? Am I not handsome enough? Am I not good enough? Regardless of what you think, I'm quite a catch. I'm authentically and unapologetically me.
Greetings! The worst thing to have is a mother who doesn't believe in you and is always sending annoying text messages. I hate that so much. As a child, my mom and I were never emotionally connected. She recently told me that she didn't want to be emotionally close because she didn't want to spoil me. Well I guess that is exactly what happened. Her refusal to get close spoiled the relationship long before I realized it. My prayer is that God sends a woman in romantic form who will allow me to be emotionally close. I'm tired of feeling empty inside. It feels like I have two large holes inside and it's annoying when the wind blows through it.
That's all for now.
I know that it's been a while since we have heard from one another. I've missed you so much. Let's catch up for a bit. Recently my mother insisted that I see a therapist. I was totally against it, but I went to shut her up. After my session, I felt better and worst at the same time. I felt better because I finally released some hidden emotions. I felt worst because I thought I was behind all of that crap. I've just surrendered to the fact that I will be free when I become fully honest with myself. I've been writing to my emotions in the form of poetic letters. I feel like they keep tormenting me on occasion, but they'll never have the same effect on me.
I hope that you guys...
I know it's been a while since I've written to you. I've been having a hard time. I've confined myself to the house unless I absolutely need to go out. I've been writing, praying, and pressing pass this stressful time in my life. I know that God is still in the blessing business. Those of you who are my friends, please pray for my success.
Life has epitomized the Latin phrase "simul Justus et peccator" at the same time justified and a sinner.
I'm saved but I have sinner problems.
In spite of all that, I'm on my way to better days.
First portal to the world
The primary source of comfort
The first teacher whose tools seemed limitless
Mother, I appreciate you so
Thanks for being an example of unconditional love
You showed me how to wipe away tears
And to encourage a smile
You are a queen
Whose crown jewel will shine forever
I'll love you always
I hope that you're doing well. A lot has happened since we've talked. I confessed my affection for a girl I've since college. She still makes me smile just by being in the same room with her. Her hugs are psychosomatic, philosophical, angelic, and poetic glue for my heart. She is a peaceful presence and I love her so much. She is just too amazing. If we make it official, there may be just a book of poems for her alone. She is my favorite muse.
It's been a while since I've talked to you. I hope that all is well.
A couple of weeks ago, I mustered the courage to call the courthouse to see if the divorce proceedings were close to being finalized. During the conversation, I discovered that she only turned in one paper, but there are many more papers that she still has. I'm really trying to move on and she's preventing that. I can't call her or her family. Those wounds haven't healed yet, but most of them have. Please pray that she files the other papers expeditiously. I want to be free of her and everything attached to her.
She moved on while we were still together. The least she could do is set my poor heart free. ...
It's been a while since I've talked to you. I'm so sorry. I've been writing poems and have been networking with other poets. I use it as a means of personal growth and therapy. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't for words. In fact, there's one thing that has brought me through that's summed up in one Latin phrase: sola gratia, which means grace alone. Grace is favor that is undeserved. This year, I hope to not only experience grace, but to experience joy in an extraordinary way.
It's been a while since I've talked to you but I hope that all is well. Last week, I turned 32. I spent the day alone reflecting on how I need this year to go in order for me to succeed. The only therapeutic thing for me to do is to confide in my journals and write until I no longer feel like crying myself to sleep.
I don't write for the approval of others; however, I do like to hear what my readers think of my work. Dearest penpals, please give me an honest assessment of my writing based on what you've ever read from me.
If I could choose a word to consider as my favorite, it is the word "charis". Charis is a Greek word meaning "grace". It is because of the grace of God that I'm still alive and have what I need. Grace has become the theme of my life and I look forward to passing my theme onto unfolding generations.
Last week, she filed the freedom papers
You know the ones
The ones that give my life a new shape
And my life will be sweet as honey buns
I guess it's time to move on with my life
With a lifetime heal
There are no changes that come without strife
At least that's how I feel
I'm on my way to better days
It's time for me to live
There's no better way
Than to wipe away the trail of tears from my heart and forgive
Have you ever felt like you failed everyone you ever loved? I certainly do.
Around this time last year, I ended my marriage. Recently I signed my divorce papers and lost my job. On top of all that, my mother calls me every time she gets the chance to let me know that I will have to move back home if I don't succeed. Everyone I have been close to feel like they've broken up with me. It feels like I've broken up too many times for my comfort.
I feel like the apostle Paul when he asked the Roman church, "Who shall deliver me from this body of death?"
I've been writing poetry since I was about 10 years but I began to pursue it more aggressively at age 14. I wrote because I had no one a to confide in so I relied I on lined paper and silky ink to keep my secrets. It all kicks and giggles until I was teased for writing poems for girls I was sweet on. I soon became the guy who was poetic. In fact, I was one of two who was voted most poetic.
After high school, it became more serious, I began to write about current events and things that impacted my spiritual life. In college and seminary, I wrote to keep from crying. During my marriage, I wrote to keep myself happy. Now, I write as a form of therapy.
Poetry is the best inanimate entity that...
It's been a while since I've written to you. A whole lot is changing and I appreciate the changes. These changes were conceived from my desire to be healthier and was birthed by actually going into a gym as well as working out at home. I'm losing weight and I am well on my way to getting off the medicine.
It is the same thing thing that the apostle Paul commanded the church at Rome: don't conform, transform.
We cannot conform to the toxicity of life while trying to transform yourself. You can only choose one or the other.
I'm glad that it's summer and that people are having fun, but I miss my dear friend that I made at work. I miss her soothing voice as she said "good morning". I miss our conversations about love and friendship. You would say that you aren't important and I would give you every reason why I think you're important. I miss seeing you blush as you'd smile and lean your head to the right. I miss your hugs, so soft and warm. I hope to see you again soon. I miss you and care for you so very much.
It amazes me how fascinating a woman can be - from her hair all the way to the soles of her feet. Her hair could be short or long, but still has the propensity to be beautiful. Her eyes can be dreamy regardless of the color. Her skin is perceived as flawless. Her hips are postured to accept the miracle of childbirth. Her feet are strong because she goes everywhere just to take care of her family.
Women, you are God's gift to humanity and I love oh so much.
Someone recently asked me to live outside of my moral compass. Yes, I'm sure it would have felt great and both of us would have enjoyed each other, but that's all it would have been..... An empty and brief orgasm.
I didn't feel right about it because it would have been loveless and pressured. I'm grateful that I passed the test.
I think you're one of a kind
You're always on my mind
Your smile give me chills
Your hugs make me want hold you on a plain or a hill
Your voice is as smooth as silk
Your skin is as sweet as milk
I don't know if it's possible to love you more
But I hope this poem isn't a bore
I adore you to pieces
Let me stop; if I write any more, this will turn into a Master's thesis
What good is love if love don't want me?
Yesterday when I saw her sweet face, I wanted to hold her, whisper "I love you" and kiss her cheek. I love her beyond the pain that she suffers. I love her beyond her physical beauty. She's sweet, funny, and so darn cool.
I'm grateful to have a friend like her in my life. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to her or watch her laugh.
I asked her if I was allowed to love her. She looked at me with her dreamy blue eyes and said "why do you have to be allowed?" I felt honored and blessed at the same time. She never said that she didn't love me. She just doesn't use the word "love" unless it's regarding her children.
I understood what she meant and I felt the pain she experienced that caused the desire for her to not use love again. I just wish I could love her pain away just by loving her in the purest and most perfect way possible.
Today, I asked her an important question: "Will you allow me to love you?"
I was always told that if you really want to know something, don't be afraid to ask. Because we're friends, I feel safe enough to ask her. I just don't know the type of answer I'll get.