|I m making a part of me immortal by writing it down. Ig: @a_flightless_bird__|
Here we are again, together in my head.
Needless to say I miss you.
I'll say everything to you here, where you will never look for my words.
Love, what is it? Love? How do you know if it is love?
After a good or an average number of relationships it's hard to actually say, no this one is different because each one is different and same when it comes to an end.
And people like me do not want any of it to come to an end no matter how good or toxic it is.
Ours was good, if you are wondering.
Then again, do you ever wonder? About us?
So, when I say I know the love I have for you is different, I may not be able to justify it in words but I know what I feel.
I feel this emptiness inside m...
You want the black spot, you can't go all white, all good all perfect.
you want the smell of alcohol, cigarette and sex.
you crave the perverted desires, in the lusty attires.
you are heaven by day, hell by night.
you can't deny it no matter how much you fight.
it drives you insane and makes you mad.
but the all so good is vanilla in taste and baby,
you like chocoberry, the sweet sour taste.
you take your coffee bitter with extra sugar..
you paint your lips pale but eyes all dark.
neckline low and skirt thigh length..
glasses on face, laughter evil.
talk dirty and look civil.
you are a combination of dream and desire,
you fall for the one who screams trouble
and want the one who adores and ca...
I wish you climb out of the hole of stereotypes that says "how a man should be" and share the burden of responsibilities, the bill at the restaurants, the validation to be good drivers and the freedom to walk home safely.
May we climb the ladder of future hand in hand and strive for a better world.
I wish you the audacity to cry, to feel, to be soft and delicate too,
I wish you don't get stuck with the darks and wear the colors of your choice.
I wish your sexual preferences, your hobbies and your built do not define how more or less masculine you are.
I wish we destroy those boundaries that seperate us and restrict us to step into each other's shoes.
I wish we find a better defin...
I keep searching for things that will not remind me of you but even within me I keep finding you.
I check your sunsigns
and look for hints,
try to understand,
you are still like a mystery to me.
our pictures together are still so perfect,
they speak to me in memories.
I try very hard not to think these thoughts
and I fail.
you said I should
stop making it all about you,
I am a person too,
I am a person who prioritised you
and treated you with the attention
you deserved in my life.
I won't say I made you the sun my
earth revolves around but I made my day and night as per your rise and set.
maybe I wasn't doing my 50, I took over and overdid it.
The blame game is something we never played but yet I always lost.
you say it's not me it's you and here
I feel punished for sins you say...
The hurt will never stop,
It'll just become a part of survival,
another scar of pride,
another pillar of strength,
another strain in the smile ,
another crack in the voice.
The hurt, they say is a part of life;
so is poison,
And a blood stained knife.
No blood, no foul?
It isn't any worth if it's not physical, the pain?
Heartbreak feels like heartattack is just an attention seeking phrase,
You weren't raised to be a nutcase.
Suck it up, keep it all in,
Throw it in your imaginary dustbin.
And believe that the hurt will stop,
be a fool and go on!
Hurts like hell is another embellished phrase
You weren't raised to be a nutcase.
I walk out of a fairytale into a hurricane,
They told me it's just life,
Hitting you hard no matter how low you dive,
I left both of my glass slippers behind
And cut off the long hair,
Took off my mermaid tail
And took a big apple bite.
Because I have got no chills tonight!
Let it twist ,
Let is swirl,
Go round and round and throw everything off,
A well written tale, publically flop!
All the fairytale bliss,
I no longer miss.
In the hurricane home,
Careless I roam.
Life can get too much,
Life can weigh too much,
I get it,
I get that feeling of escape,
Feeling that you can leave some of the weight,
Maybe leave someone behind,
Someone you know will stay,
Someone you want to come back to,
Someone you know will stay.
I get it and yet,
It's too much of a pain,
I don't want to hate,
To feel this menace.
After all, it was I who said,
I can be whoever you want
So if that someone is me,
Let that be.
Except it the grave night,
When nothing feels right,
I find myself thinking,
If ever i had to make that choice,
I can say this without blinking,
I'll give up on anything but you.
My mind is a mess,
Something has broken,
I feel the pieces, they hurt.
I want to lie down
In his t-shirt
And cry myself to sleep,
Not the clichèd tub of
Alot of sour candies,
And a cup of hot tea.
I feel it burning inside me,
I can taste venom on my lips.
I want to hit something so bad!
I have a slideshow of memories in my head, driving me crazy!
I want my hands tied,
And all attempts to reach you to fail.
I have a series of questions to ask
But answered none!
I use comedy as my defense,
I laugh and crack jokes,
I taunt and I self mock!
Nothing brings peace,
My mind is a mess
I feel terrible, less human!
Like a dobby of this cr...
How many more nails do you have?
How many more till its the final one?
It is an empty coffin,
It will be an empty grave.
Because what's inside has already died
And it will rott away till you reach your end.
You pay attention, don't you.
Avoidance was never your game.
You watch the color fading away from the face,
You watch the eyes, looking down.
You watch the sudden hysteria in the voice till it go silent.
You watch the raised pace till the footsteps disappear.
You see its what the venom does to a person,
It's like a hand around the neck, choking it.
Its like an open wound, draining the blood out.
Drop by drop,
Nail by nail,
Bite by bite.
The lost fight.
I am not fighting anymore,
I am ...
Last night, my anxiety apologized.
my anxiety said sorry for driving you away,
she said she put those thoughts in my head and waited for them to become the reality,
she said she made me believe I am not worth it, who would want to be with me ?
and waited for my insecurity to creep in and make it all worse.
my insecurity and anxiety are friends.
So, they keep repeating every word you ever said to deduce different meanings and they choose the worst possible one to fit it in my head.
my hope struggled only to be told that he should know better!
for my happiness it was the final nail,
my strength was tore between fighting them or dealing with the damage?
my sanity? she and I both know she's fragi...
I believe your gut knows, even before it has happened you get that feeling in your stomach and you spend a long time fighting wih tears and the sorrow and then it happens and you get the feeling that how could you not see it coming . It's over before it's over.
When you know it is what it is what made you think it would change this time?
"Stupid fucking moronic heart!"
On the days of rain,
I look for a familiar shelter,
Something to call home
An old beloved book,
A hot cup of tea,
A movie I have watched a 100 times,
Some old photo albums,
Some songs on the radio,
An old t- shirt with holes,
The smell of wet land,
Maybe the old version of me
that has dreams in eyes,
Smile on lips,
jump in her strides
and love in heart.
Sometimes it's too hard to focus on the fact that suffering will end and you'll get there. Maybe it never ends, it take breaks and we call them life.
Some connections cannot be named,
They don't fit in any of the categories unless there is one that says your weird matches mine in an odd way. I get your bizzare like you get mine and we can manage to be there for each other and look past the flaws. We love each other in a way that is not termed as love by people.
Is that friendship?
Maybe, in the purest form possible.
You want to be the salad he replaces all the Junk with for good health?
All new , improved and determined
It will just take some extra yummy fries and you are all forgotten.
The band played jazzy music, the lights were dimmed, and she closed her eyes as she took a sip from her drink. As her thoughts drifted off, the music suddenly stopped. When she opened her eyes she saw everyone in shock there was someone on the floor with a liquid all over her pretty white dress, but wait, is that blood. She can't actually make out her vision is blurry after a long day and a couple of drinks.
She walked towards the body, a little tipsy and the girl had her face covered with hair, she was small, just like her.
In a dress just like her .
For a moment she stood there till someone rolled the body over and revealed the face of the dead girl,
She was pretty just like her, no she was...
I know there are hundred reasons to leave but I just want you to stick.
I wondered why
i questioned, every word that ever came out in that direction.
I went back and forth between the meaningless conversations,
all the teasing and jokes and mocking interactions.
I read, i surfed, i searched, i looked!
I thought for hours and hours
and Blamed you, me , world, time, a bottle of beer , situation and god knows what!
only to clearly see, why?
there's no answer.
simple. it is what it is.
my sanity fell down on the floor and scattered in million pieces.
the bulb of knowledge and wisdom broke!
the time took a hillarious turn
and I felt nothing but numb
though the million pieces are making their way back home.
causing damage and havoc!
wait till the blood run stale,
A person who is never afraid of saying the truth out loud is dangerous.
She has that audacity about her that only comes to people after two vodka shots.
These small fights that you fight everyday will only prepare you for the big ones.
The struggle is never-ending!
Don't be afraid to give up on your fights every once in a while.
To just let go, take a break and breakdown in pieces, we all need some rearranging every now and then.
Don't let the dust of everyday hustle blur the vision of the purpose of living, brush it off with tears instead of sticking to them out of fears.
Nothing matters in the bigger picture, it is bigger than me, than you and than the richest guy, the popular most, the loved most. What matters is how you are now, happy? Because if not what's the point?
what is love?
Is it that one moment that he looks at you and you realise that it's different the way he is looking at you is different. he is looking right at you but it doesn't feel like it. It's like he is looking at something hidden inside you and that something is something that he adores.
with a finger he move away the flip from your face, over and over matching the rhythm to the song that is running in the background, repeating "you look perfect" "you look perfect" and at that moment the voice of ed sheeran is nothing compared to his voice.
and you feel it.You feel it in your stomach, feel it in your bones, You feel it in your heart that intoxication has hit you hard it's not the weed...
lost and low.
lower than the rest, lower than the worst.
the path is well lit, vision is blind.
the walk is long and brisk
but the path is a loop.
Start everyday and end everyday,
spending time, getting spent with time.
it's all in vain, like tears in rain,
sink lower and lower,
desperately searching for a clover,
maybe a secret passage
or a fairy god mother.
it's mundane, not even evil has any plan,
boring and worthless,
to consider you to slain.
it's all in the mind,
but very hard to find,
it's agony of hope
a node in the rope
the light is dark
losing its spark.
lost and low,
every day a new blow.
drowning in the flow.
We paint our lips red and our eyes black.
Desperately hiding the pimples, the black heads. Salon appointment, twice a month?
A little extra fat is frowned upon!
A bad haircut means no selfie for a month!
It hurts like 100s of needles sticking in the feet but oh! Higher the heels sexier you look!
We live in a world where we want to be everything and anything but ourselves.
Humans with mentality of sheeps!
While the world suffer with issues like poverty , rapes and god knows so many more. We have meltdowns over eyebrow hair and hair falls
"Wear that skirt it makes you look thin"
"You are too fat to pull off that dress"
"That color doesn't suit your dusty skin"
"Don't wear shorts, your legs are ...
Kahi kisi roz jo khudse mulaqat hogi,
Kitna dur reh gyi hu me mujhse?
Kya m ab bhi mere ghar k usi kone m khi chupi hu..
Toh yeh bahe felae samundar ki or hai kon?
Hawao me udne ki kwaisho me na jane kitne kadam chal ayi hu me..
Aine m shakal toh aj bhi meri hi h kahi se tum b jhankhti ho..
chupke se kbi dantti ho,
tumhe m apna bachpan khu ya masumiyat.
kabhi maa ki salahe lie toh kbhi papa ki fatkaro m kano m gunjti ho.
kuch bhari bhari shabdo m, asan zindgi uljha bethi hu,
khushiya aj bhi choti cheezo m hai or bade bade sapne saza bethi hu..
khi fir se uthaege chai ki chuski ka luft,
firse kahaniyo k patro m khudko paege..
shahrukh k gane gunguate hue,
aine k samne muskuraege...