Why would I want to be the same? A copy, like all that surrounds me. Falling into the fold. Looking, talking, acting like one of the flock.
Why choose that?
To be unique. To be myself. To question, to wonder, to let my curiosity take flight. I enjoy getting lost in fog, set adrift on an adventure, or finding my own path through the woods.
Life is not the same.
Living it should not be.
Stay different; stay you!
I feel like I don’t know myself. I’m unfamiliar. My body is the same yet my mind has changed. I’m different. Not a bad different. Simply changed.
I feel like a stranger. Unknown. I feel like I need to relearn my own world. My life. My place. All is different yet it’s not.
Where did I go?
What did I do?
Not one single, solitary thing. Life has happened. More the circle of it.
Growth. Perspective. Death.
I’m not the same nor do I think I would ever choose to be. This me, hurt and broken but aware and happy.
It is a good thing, no longer a stranger.
This is always a tough question but one that used to be so very easy.
When I was younger, my twenties, it was Halloween. Give me a good scare and a horror flick anytime. Those things make me so happy. Something about the fear, that rush you get in a haunted house. Yes!!!!
These days it’s Christmas! I have kids and to see their joy and smiles in the morning is a blessing. To share the love with friends and family on that day is perfect. Everything changes with Christmas. People are kinder. There’s just a feeling in the air that can’t be duplicated.
So yeah it’s Christmas with Halloween a close second.
I miss you. I do. I think of you each day. My eyes linger on your picture. You fill my thoughts as I hear a song.
They say it gets easier as the days pass. Whoever they are — they are liars.
Your gone and I want you back.
For so long my childhood was lived without you. Distance separating our family. Once I came home we just didn’t have enough time.
It’s not fair. You were taken. You were called away.
Now you want her to join you. You can’t.
I’m not ready. I just lost you. She can’t leave. I need your help. She needs your help. Guide her. Take her hand and help her heal.
Let her stay.
Time isn’t on our side.
Our fears coming true.
Give us a fighting chance.
Each day begins anew.
The road is long.
Her battle is rough.
Every day will be a gift.
Remember you tough.
Together we can beat this.
*Dedicated to my ❤️ Gram ❤️who was just diagnosed with cancer.
Note to self:
Love each day!
Do not let fear run you.
Believe in every dream; big or small.
You are beautiful!
Be kind, caring, and patient.
Everything is within your reach!
When the night closes in and I lay there in bed what to I whisper a thank you for?
There are many things that I find I can easily say but the one the rings most true right now is that I am thankful I was there. That I was able to share in the last moments of my Grandfathers life. I was there to whisper goodbye. I told him I loved him. I held on to him as he eased into a quiet peace that took him away.
Many times we don’t get this moment. We don’t get to tell the ones we care for how much we love them. We wait, always thinking there is a tomorrow. To have the time to share with him and be there is a moment I will forever be thankful for.
13 Word Story
Let me just stay here and mourn you while everything is still raw.
My grandfather has been slowly dying for months now, nine of them to be exact.
He has been on hospice. There have been ups and downs. Moments of clarity for him where he remembers things and other moments of pain and questions. He loses time. His mind plays such a cruel trick.
We have been told he will only last another month, perhaps. There are no certainties in these things.
We hold tightly to each other.
The man, the rock, the former Army vet, and my dear Pop is slowly loosing this war. His body hurts. He is in pain.
I wish I could do more...
Lost in the abyss of feeling.
Awash in pure delight.
Not of my creation but of ours.
That sweet afterglow.
Our bodies intertwined.
Breath harsh but evenly matched.
To stay this way.
Capture this moment.
Stay hidden away.
Not to be simply a memory.
To be forever.
To always be.
A path in which to follow.
Is it the correct one?
We must venture through.
Surrender to it.
The rest will work itself out.
It takes this to learn.
To find the answer.
To know the path was right.
While you wait:
Believe in yourself.
After all this choice is yours!
Days like today...
They are not good.
They are not full of joy.
They don't bring happiness.
There is zero smiles.
There is pain.
There is hurt.
There is sadness in feeling helpless.
These days will not last.
They will not remain.
What they will do is help me grow. I will be stronger. I will learn. I will change.
Today is tough.
I will not change that but I am tougher.
All I need to do is just breathe...
In the quiet of the night I yearn for your breathing.
In the sweet silence of these moments I still hear your voice.
In dark of the moonless night I remember the way you touched me.
Your hands. Your touch.
Your voice. Your words.
Your body. Your heat.
I miss reaching out for you; finding near.
I miss how you held me close; body against mine.
I miss... you.
In my world it means everything. My life is lived with song. I grew up surrounding myself with variety. I was and still am open to all types.
For me music is an extention of my soul. There are feelings and thoughts that can be said in song that I find beautifully perfect. Lyrics that are well crafted and full of a deeper meaning.
I have been to several concerts in my years and each is important but I think the one I hold closest was in 97 or 98.
The group was BUSH.
I will forever remember the moment "Glycerin" played. Water fell on Gavin as only he stood there playing. The crowd around me began singing along.
It was just perfect.
It was a moment when a song became more. There...
At times it is oh so necessary.
Let us take a breath.
Hold it in.
Then slowly let it slip past our lips.
Here we go.
The first step...
Welcome to 2017!
A year full of possibilities and unknown adventures. Who knows what is to come. Moments filled with exciting and amazing beauty.
Believe in yourself!
Dream big. Stay hopeful. Let your light shine bright and gather those close to you that share in what you wish to achieve.
Enlighten others. Share in your knowledge.
We have only this one life, live it completely.
Chronic ones at that.
I do believe I've had enough. Is there one of those buttons I can press to tap out.
I'm not giving up just calling this small battle I won't be winning. The war though, I will win that.
For now I'll relax. I'll close my eyes. I'll let music softly fill the room and think on the new stories I'd like to pen.
Here's to tomorrow and what a new day holds.
2016 - A year full of learning.
2017 - New steps and continued growth.
Closing in on an ending, a year in the journey of life complete. There were so many paths and roads traveled this year. Many positive and full of light. Other roads were darker, with mountainous terrain and darkness. Still each one left me having grown and changed.
I am my journey.
It's taken years to truly understand these words but now I feel them to my core. No choice, no step, no direction other then those I took would lead me to my here and now.
Sure I could wonder. I could imagine the "what if's".
I would not be the me I love. I could have missed some important thing. I could have not found a lasting moment.
Life doesn't offer multiple choices. We can simply learn from our a...
Where does time go?
The seasons pass, months slip by. Weeks find themselves ending.
Life moves on.
Our souls and spirits find peace and hope in the new future.
A cleansing of sorts.
We are breaking free of the old and find the light of the new.
FILL IN THE BLANKS
1. A bad habit I'm going to break
- Eating out more then I should.
2. A new skill I'd like to learn
3. A person I hope to be more like
- my children, with such wonder and innocence it's beautiful to see.
4. A good deed I'm going to do
- pay off a bill for a very wonderful and caring soul.
5. A place I'd like to visit
6. A book I'd like to read
- There are too many to list
7. A letter I'm going to write
- to my kids and all I hope and wish for them.
8. A new food I'd like to try
- tough one, not too sure.
9. I'm going to do better at
- writing daily!
My favorite song from a truly talented man...
Kissing A Fool by George Michael
You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death, and from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
But you'll never find
Peace of mind,
'Til you listen to your heart
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart from you
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through
Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
But please don't take my hear...
Who Am I?
With all my years of age I should easily answer this question with several responses. Yes I happen to a woman, a mother, a daughter, and a friend. There are many other surfaces to this answer though. I’m a dreamer, a lover of music, a reader, a believer, a writer, a photographer, a sentimental fool…
It’s obvious I could continue this list but is that really who I am or are those just pieces of a whole. Would that be all that I am?
Words. Hobbies. Beliefs.
I tend to think I’m more then just what is seen on the shell. Deep within I’m different. I walk to the beat of the music within me. It’s a smaller and quieter version of what I give to the world.
Hopefully I’ll be able to ...
Each day is an adventure; a new path to travel. Enjoy the journey as well as the destination.
How do I begin to tell the tale of a life full of twists and turns? The tale of a life full of uncertainty but yet full of a hope and never ending strength.
My younger years were full of trying to fit in, to learn my way. I got lost in the cracks of life. I found myself reaching out for an ear to listen. I was very lucky in finding that person. Life seemed to fall in to line.
More years passed and I found the moments I'd treasure. I found the gifts life would give and grasped them tightly. I continued growing in mind and soul, my spirit happy. It wasn't till recently I found myself recalling life's treasures.
Through these hardships I've faltered but never given up. I have gone...
I’m going with a theme for this entry; mischief.
When I was younger I got in to trouble. Nothing bad mind you but enough that it seemed my folks always caught me. There was sneaking out and being where I wasn’t supposed to be. There were boys and drinking when I had no right to be. These were my times of mischief.
They are also the times in my life I will never forget. I can remember sitting on the sidewalk as the police pulled up scared my friends and I to death after trick or treating at the age of 13. I recall talking to guys on the phone late in to the morning hours with my best friend. There were moments when my parents would drive down the road and see me outside when I shouldn’t have...