H. Beard ❤️
|24 💜 | Mother of 2 🧬 | Take me as I am or leave me as you found me. 💯 | 2 Peter 1:5-9 🙏🏼|
Reasons why I’m ready to leave Illinois.
#1: I’m getting tired of the people here. My family and the fact that my son loves his dad so much i can’t take him away from that. It is literally all that’s keeping me here.
#2: I seriously am starting to HATE my kids father and the lies he keeps up with.
It makes me sick to my stomach that he lies about the dumbest things. I just want no part of him anymore. I don’t feel anything when he touches me anymore. When I dropped our son off today and he kissed me, I felt nothing. I’m truly over him and all the bs that comes with him. I can’t do it anymore.
I believe that he was a season that God put me through to make me stronger but now, it’s time...
Today I conducted my very first intervention.
I planned it out and set it up.
I held an intervention for my mom.
It was hard. It was tough to take some of the things she said. I failed a few things but she still took the deal.
My mom got on a plane tonight to go home. Rutland VT.
This morning when I saw her she had been living in a tent with the same man who put his hands on her.
It was really hard to hear her say she was always used and everyone took all her money from her and no one cared.
I’m the only child of hers that has cared about her. I’m the only one who has attempted to help her.
So today I gave her the final choice. You move to Rutland with your mom and dad and bro...
I’ve been back and forth on what to do.
I know what I want.
I just don’t know how to make it happen.
I’m praying for some guidance.
Maybe God has other plans,
maybe his plans are what I want as well. Or they could be what I don’t want but need.
Sometimes I hate relationships and being in them.
I wasn’t ready for this relationship and it shows.
I get tired of some of the bullcrap.
I’ve also been asking for guidance about these “friend” situations I seem to have.
The lies just don’t sit right with me.
I see and peep everything and that’s what others fail to realize.
The amount of pure betrayal and disrespect I feel is at an all time high lately.
Lord guide me where you ...
Trust is something I have very little of.
For some people, I have zero trust and zero faith in their words.
Today has been a stressful day. I’ve been thinking about just going MIA on everyone.
I’ve been trying to figure my life out.
I’m at a breaking point and it’s been very hard being basically alone.
I’m doing my best to stay afloat, but I would really like to pull a Meredith gray and run away to live my life.
Praying for a better life and better days. Until then, I’m staying to myself.
Praying for Tonight, I’m praying for a better place for my children and I.
Tonight I’m praying for a financial break through.
Tonight, I’m praying for God to pour his unconditional love onto me and my son so we don’t feel so empty and lonely.
I’m praying for guidance.
Thanking the Lord for the small wins as they come.
Something bigger is in store though. 👌🏼
I’ve been the girl who get taken advantage of, mistreated, and disrespected my whole life.
I’ve always been so easy to walk all over.
I have a true heart of gold.
I’m the lost giving and loving person you will meet.
I stress a lot and worry a lot.
People blame me for a lot of things.
They use me as their excuse to be a crappy individual.
They blame me for what they did to me. It was my fault they treated me unfairly.
I’m always the first one to smile at you when we cross paths.
I’m the first one to extend my hand when you fall.
I’m the one who offers encouragement and advice when you ask, but can’t take my own words into consideration for my own situation.
I’m a true “sw...
Today is one of the days where I’ll be sitting in the shower crying because I’m so stressed out.
I’m tired of being disrespected and shit on.
I’m tired of being stressed out over dumb ass cunts who give no fucks about me or my kids.
Family or not everyone’s about to get cut off.
I have a good maybe 4 people who I’ll continue to talk with but other than that they can all shove it and kiss my ass.
Today is just one of those days.
Leave me be or be prepared to get cussed out and possibly punched if you’re close enough.
One. More. Day.
Baby M is just as excited as I am I suppose.
This morning I’ve thrown up twice within an hour.
I haven’t been eating too much lately because my appetite has been less than great and my stomach has been quite messed up.
Tomorrow however, Baby M makes their appearance for us to find out what the gender is.
I’m thinking it’s a girl. Malachi wants a girl, and my mom wants a girl.
Just one more day. 32 hours to be exact 😫
I’m taking nap 1 of the day to get a head start on this count down 🤣
Today was a good day.
Picking Malachi up from his dad wasn’t so bad. We actually acted like we liked each other so that’s good.
We talked about baby names for a boy just in case. He likes Matteo. EVEN THOUGH he keeps saying Mattavio but really means Matteo. 🤦🏻♀️🤣
I got a mattress cover to make my bed softer ON SALE! 😃🙌🏼 and I got my body pillow to support my belly since its starting to get bigger and I’m becoming more uncomfortable.
My best friend called me as soon as I got home and invited me out to eat with her boyfriend and his cousin and the kids.
We all had a good time. Everything was awesome. The food was good. The company was good.
Only complaint I have is I ...
Tonight’s the first night in my apartment alone.
My son is with his dad.
As much as I HATE with a passion that he takes him out of freaking state just so he can get some pussy for the night 🙄🤷🏻♀️
I work doubles all this weekend because my bosses hate me apparently 🤦🏻♀️
I would love to be selfish with my Child because I deserve to.
I can’t even get a simple call from my child. His dad is stuck too far up some chicks butt.
Honestly can’t wait for this next chapter in my life.
I can’t wait for his lies to stop and for him to leave me alone.
So I can heal properly. I shoudnt have to deal with his comments when I tell him this is what he wanted. You’ve got what you w...
It seems like lately when it rains. It pours.
I’m really tired of going through this pain and hurt. I want it to be over already.
When the pain finally stops, when he stops trying or caring.
I’ll finally be happy.
Until then, I know majority of my posts are sad and depressing, but I appreciate the support and encouraging words I’ve received.
Things will get better and my posts will be majority happy but for now this is my emotional release and I don’t care who sees it or gets mad or whatever.
Her eyes draining with tears, She sent the text.
The last text that he would get from her.
Their conversations from now on would be:
And that’s about it.
Her heart is broken in so many pieces but this is what’s best.
Now she’s left to cry herself to sleep until the feeling of loneliness slips away.
I’m seriously so tired of being pregnant and emotional.
It’s literally draining me.
Why am I crying today?
Oh ya know because I can’t help the feelings that I have for my husband and I’ll never truly know if he’s telling me the truth or not.
I’ll never know if he truly didn’t want me to leave.
I’ll never know what it’s like to be loved and supported by my husband through a pregnancy.
I’ll never know what it’s like to be loved and supported the right way period.
Today has been an emotional roller coaster.
I’m tired of not knowing whether or not his “still love you” is sincere.
I’m tired of not being the only one woman he chose.
It sincerely sucks.
And I’m not looking for ...
These next 6 days need to fly by fast. I’m excited to Find out what my baby is ❤️
Baby M is already so loved, I’ve had my family talking about her since we found out I was pregnant.
My son is excited about his new little sister he talks about her all the time.
Today is the 19 week check mark.
I’ve felt baby kicks Here and there.
I’m too excited to see the look on my stepdaughters face, my husbands face, and my sons face when they say what it is.
Then pictures for the announcement after 😍
6 more days!!!! 💜
Today was a hard day.
Last night was challenging too.
Last night, a guy I don’t ever wish to remember from my childhood popped up in my Facebook notifications and my heart stopped for what felt like eternity. I went to his page to block him never to think of him again, and noticed that my older brother and his girlfriend along with a very good family friend who I consider a brother, were friends with him on Facebook. That’s how he found me. It’s got to be. Because my name is different than when he knew me and I don’t look the same.
The 3 people who went through this tough time when I was 8 years old with me, because of this man, are Facebook friends? Why? You can only imagine how I felt...
You know what frustrates me the most?
People who can’t seem to keep their mouth shut and their nose out of other folks business. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m at my breaking point. Literally.
Someone somewhere always has an opinion about me or how I do things, how I care for MY kids.
It’s never ending. And it makes me want to take a major society break.
I’m thinking about another social media break along with blocking quite a few people from contacting me.
Today, I’m setting boundaries and deleting apps.
I’m going to focus on myself, MY kids, and MY relationship with God.
Everyone else can take their opinions, “helpful advice”, and “friendly help” and stick it where the sun don’t shine 😎
From a young age it’s always been a dream and goal of mine to graduate college, get married and become a mother to 2 kids. 1 boy 1 girl. Not too far apart in age but not too close. Boy first so he can protect his sister when they’re at school. And last but not least, bug a house in the neighborhood I grew up in for my family to be raised in.
I’ve accomplished one of those goals.
I got married and I became a mother to almost 2 kids. Waiting to see if this last child is a girl or not.
I want to be an ER trauma nurse. It’s always been my thing.
I like the adrenaline rush of having to think on your feet and act fast.
I’m really good at that part. Sometimes. 🤣🤷🏻♀️
Everyone around me is...
I’ve heard that my kids are “oops babies” and “unplanned”
Today I had the realization that my children are part of God’s plan.
It may seem silly to you, but to me this is a sign from God.
Encouragement, if you will.
When my husband and I got married it was 2013. He had 1 daughter. Her name is Maddison. Maddison has 3 syllables.
3 years later in 2016, we had our son Malachi. Malachi has 3 syllables.
3 more years later in 2019, I’m pregnant with my second child, his 5th. 5-2 is 3 he has 5 kids. I have 2. Our child’s name whether Boy or a girl will start with an “M”.
That’s 3 kids that start with the letter “M”
Can you guess what my husbands favorite number is?
Yup. It’s 3.
Today was rough.
My son was being horrible to me. He bit my hand. He stomped on my feet. He hit me multiple times and kicked me.
On the way home from the sitter we got into a small car accident. A lady wasn’t paying attention and merged into my lane with no blinker and ran me off the road.
It was nothing but God because my son was in the car with me and nothing was damaged.
My car doesn’t look like it was hit. It drives just fine. The air bags didn’t deploy and the only thing wrong is my neck went stiff from it snapping when I hit the curb.
I could’ve hit a pole, a tree, a house, even a pedestrian. That’s how I know it was nothing but God.
To top off my day, i haven’t eaten much ...
My mother in law will always be one of my biggest supporters.
Whether her son and I are together or not, she’s always there for me to help me wherever I need it.
Lately it just so happens I need someone to talk to who has been through this situation.
I need someone’s guidance on how to stay strong through the lies I hear of “I didn’t want this. I wanted us to work on things” or “i still love you wife” or just constantly being called “wife” like it’s a title that I should wear proudly right now.
I’m weak when it comes to my husband. I can’t help the fact that I still love him with all of me.
Going through what we’re going through right now is definitely a challenge for me. Him maybe ...
My heart will heal.
My life will go on.
With God as my defender, I’ll continue to be strong.
I heard a song tonight that broke me down and is going to help me be strong.
Strong in my decision and strong in the Lord.
I’m just the past couple weeks actually, I’ve lost a mom. A dad. And a husband.
No they didn’t pass away. They were tired of playing their roles so they decided to go in with their lives and I’ve decided to better mine.
I deserve something better than what I got. Honestly.
Everyone can have their opinions of me all they want but I’m going to come out better than I was with everything I’m promised.
Good luck to my mom and her journey
Good luck to my dad and his ...
I’ve heard a lot that I suck at being pregnant and I used to agree with it.
I honestly thought I just sucked at being pregnant.
And then I talked to the dr and a few other women who worked in the gynecologist office and have also been pregnant.
My last pregnancy was HELL. Literally.
I was sick every day at least 20 minutes after eating.
I would eat a whole meal. Feel good cause I finally ate a whole meal and then BOOM! upchucked the whole fricken thing.
I ate a donut and I kid you not, I upchucked it and the fricken thing didn’t even have time to digest in my stomach!
I woke up in a puddle of my own blood because I went into preterm labor from what? I really don...