In my darkness I remember momma saying " surrender to the Lord and he'll wipe your slate clean." Ohio how I wanna come near and give you the biggest hug and kiss, but there's blood on my hands and my lips aren't clean.
Wish I’d known those painful lies before falling for those beautiful eyes.
The Estrangement Of The Mentally Ill
he paced back and forth with a sweater two sizes too big and wore jeans that had been passed down since the sixties. his hands were shoved in his pockets so forcefully that they hung just below his hips. a nurse sat at the station where she could overlook all the loonies. the door swung open and all eyes were on the newly admitted patient. she took a seat far from everyone else, as if somehow she would perish in the corner. he desperately tried not to glance in her direction, but soon found himself sitting in the seat next to her. at the beginning, he just sat there fidgeting. after a few mental conversations, he built up the courage to make eye contact....
Dear Day He Died,
i don’t remember if there were dogs barking, birds chirping, or how hot it was outside. all i remember is my world slowly toppling over as i went from worried to trembling with terror. i have never again felt that agonizing sensation that flooded through every pore causing such chills, that momentarily i thought i was dead with him. the mind has ways to protect us from certain pains. my brain thought it best to stop functioning. i returned to kindergarten grammar and even started throwing a tantrum. had it not been for my parents calling for me to open the door, i probably would have continued to react in the infantile manner. each step i took seemed to last an eternity. i...
Dear Strange New Me,
nothing was the same but i guess change was inevitable. i felt like i was the same but i knew that wasn't true. i had isolated myself for so long that i wasn't even a blurred reflection of the person you knew. i would be so much more if i hadn't screwed up...and i'm talking about the first mistake i ever made. if only i could remember the moment it all went wrong then i could move on, or perhaps i just tell myself that. i lay in bed and try to sleep. thoughts racing through so fast i can't remember what i was just thinking. she lays next to me but she no longer has feelings for me. i long for closeness but she turns her back. i ignore her ingenious form of cruelty and p...
I'm afraid of being me. I want to find a way to suppress my memories. I'm afraid of being me without you. I'm afraid of being me when there is no us. What is left to do? I thought the future was written in the stars, but now the stars have scattered somewhere far out of my reach. Life without us feels so wrong.
Drop: A short poem
It say things that only you can understand.
It has all you didn't expect it would withstand.
Whilst inside its a mighty ocean.
But we see what comes out, is just...
A drop !
Nights without ur body Beside me,
seems to never end.
Long awaiting ur kiss, those hands so strong yet gentle. the weight of your eyes as they pierce my soul releasing all desires of you.
I want to wrap my legs around you, take you deeply, slowly,
My hands feeling every inch of this beautifully masculine man that you are.
Tower over me. Let me surrender, weak and owned simply by your presence alone. I wait for you
It hurts. Believe me it does.
Those words rippled through my body like an earthquake seperates the ground.
Right there, my core shattered.
I couldn't hide it very well. My voice weakened, my smile was fading, my mind ..oh god..the endless thoughts.
"You're so easy to replace / she never really loved you / you'll never be the man he is / you're worthless / you're a shitty person / just say fuck it"
"Just say fuck it"
As much as I've tried getting past all these thoughts running through my head, it's not easy or even possible at times.
There's so much going on.
So much has happened in this month alone. I don't know how much more I can take.
Between my personal life, work and school....
CW: suicidal thoughts, chronic pain, meltdown
Struggling so so badly tonight. I have incurable chronic pain stemming from 4 different issues. It’s untreated & I spend my days couchbound & in agony. I don’t have friends in person. They’ve all left (and weren’t true friends to begin with). I feel like a burden, the pain is interfering with my emotional processing even more. I already have difficulty containing such giant emotions. I just exploded tonight. I kicked things over, threw some things, sobbed, dug my nails into my head, pulled my hair. I hate myself so much for being such a burden. I hate the unrelenting pain. I hate the exclusion and isolation from society. I have a small support sy...
The night of Chaos....
You can't just grab it and put in a box called "PAIN"
You can't just place it in a thought called "Broken"
You can't just make it fit in a phrase of "SADNESS"
It isn't just a state of emotion
It isn't just a phase of life
It isn't just a crossroad of destiny
It is something where tickles turned to tears,
It is something where smile lost in style
It is something where soul died in dark growl
It is okay to not be okay.
You close your eyes,
Focus on breathing.
You feel that bum bump
In your chest?
That is your heart.
You are still alive.
Take it all in,
And let it go with the wind.
Open your eyes.
Turn the page,
Start a new chapter.
This is your fresh start.
A beginning to
an amazing journey.
When somebody cries, it is not a sign of weakness. Being able to confront your emotions, experience the pain and heal from it is a sign of true strength. @PLECCA
The innocence in her eyes,
It’s a paradise.
Her eyes is the place to lose fears,
It’s the place you find happiness.
Beautiful blue eyes,
Like a clear sky,
It’s the place to lose tears.
It’s the place where you could be anyone you want to be.
I want fly away in her eyes♥️
I remember you reaching for my hand.
I remember me pulling away.
You said I was too cool for love.
I was never cool, but if your hands could melt the iceberg that you thought me to be, then I would have held your hand forever.
But I was never cool. I'm just cold.
This isn't an iceberg of false personas or public images.
This iceberg sinks love like ships.
Your hands cannot melt the ice around my heart, but my heart will leave your fingers frostbitten.
So stay warm, love.
My heart and I will be just fine.
We were made for the winter.
Once lived a beautiful mermaid. Her tail shined so radiant that seafarers would be blinded by the light. Her harmonious voice enraptured any who dared ventured into her domain. Wild as the sea, no one could lay claim to her. Piercing green eyes electrified every bone in your body.
One day, Tempest saw two people walking together along her beach. Their hands intertwined, she wondered what they were doing. She felt this ache inside. She was tired of being the only one of her species left, a forgotten relic of the time before.
Tempest slowly placed her crown at the feet of the ocean. “Turn me back,” she barely whispered, “Turn me back into what I was before the storm.”
Suddenly, huge crash...
NEGLIGENCE & IGNORANCE
Last to last night I was waiting for YOU
with my tiring eyes.
whole day you were busy in your OWN world
no complaints on where you were ...
LOST my expectations sometimes back
i got hurt but for sure ,not that much where I regret ..
i do remember those last words which u uttered
i knew the INs & OUTS so on that no comments...
Accepted the way life comes to me
lonely..aloof and sometimes just ME.
I tried and get tired at last..
Coz its not just easy its impossible to erase what i kept in my heart.