I am finally back &
I am finally sober.
Still, I gravitate
though I know our
good times are over.
Such a struggle
it is to abstain
from that of which
fills me with both
exuberance & disdain.
the verge of dying,
I don’t feel that
I’m really even living;
I’m aware that
wants me dead.
& gets in my head.
Each time it calls,
I answer & buy that ticket
for the ride that
breaks my heart
In another writing challenge I was given, Chocolate, Water, Kite, Picture Frame and Curtain. The following is the short story I wrote using these five random words, I hope you enjoy!
Chicalicalee was a great actor, in the world of confectionery the best there ever was. When the curtain would fall upon what ever play he was acting in the crowd would go completely bananas. Oh he loved the adoration, the standing ovations, the great reviews he got within the local paper, the “Sweet Wrapper”. Everyone loved the chocolate teddy but inside he was so very sad that he would, when alone, often sit and cry tears of despair.
As he would tell those closest to him, the problem with being made o...
A simple choice in the beginning
almost innocent in scope
and it just felt so good to be high
to chase that euphoric feeling
'til the candles burnt down to stubs
and I couldn't remember my own name
just one more line
one more pill
one more fix
chasing the dragon into the dark
at the expense of everyone
the cost of everything
giving little thought to the pain
or the burning bridges
but I can see the tracks of tears
on my mother's face
and hear her lament in the twilight
that rose to a wailing by morning
when the dragon finally won
No I don't want a double shot of hazelnut.
Mocha or Latte I'd rather not.
No chocolate sprinkles on the top of it.
Don't want it filtered through fancy grit.
No interest if its Columbian or Peruvian.
You'll probably spell my name wrong again.
I just need some caffeine to wake me up.
Vente? I don't know the biggest cup.
No soya milk or almond either.
The cult of barista haven't made me a believer.
You look stressed so I'm going to cut you some slack.
I just want it large and my coffee black.
Rid me of the curse
And early death
Find me as a friend
Show me love
Return me to the beach
And cure the hurt
Amongst the empty void
Find me often
Fill my life and
Leave me not alone
Provide me now
A wife and home
Death was knocking at my door
I let you in, I didn't know
You've overstayed your welcome
And now it's time for you to go
Destroyed from the inside out
But I never saw it coming
Clarity became clouded
Toxicity became numbing
Soon it become crystal clear
This was a subtle suicide
I may look alive and well
But the truth is I'm dead inside
~ Lady Sativa 🍃
If you ever miss me:
Search me between the pages of a harry potter book,
Exploring own ways of becoming a wizard;
Search me in the lines of a superhero comic,
Desperately wanting to have her own power;
Search me amid the scenes of a romantic movie,
Crushing and fantasizing over the lead actor.
Find me in the fallen leaves of the autumn,
Finding beauty in those dry and yellow leaves;
Find me in the colourful flowers of the spring,
Amazed by the colour and smell of the pretty flowers;
Find me in the dew drops of the winter,
Happily enjoying the calmness of a winter morning.
Look for me in some shopping malls,
Choosing once again black over other colours;
Look for me scrolling throu...
I started drinking because it was a way to forget me
Warm and comforting making it easy to sleep
Putting the pain at ease
Why not tie the bottle into my daily routine
Feeling sad, it's ok have a drink
Want to celebrate, whiskey is right there to party with me
A few sips and I don't care what you think
I wake up craving it's taste
Needing it to get through the day
Cause somethings you can't erase
The fruits of my labor now turned rotten
Tasteful memories are now forgotten
Oh to feel your skin pressed against my lips
How I savored your nectar as it'd drip
The sight of such fuzzy exteriors
Was now making my vision blurrier
Dizzy and nauseated, was I sick
Or have I ingested your food poison
~ Lady Sativa 🍃
This is a letter from an unborn baby still in the womb. The mother is a drug addict.
Mommy you don't know me but I know you. I know when you're angry because I feel your blood pressure go through the roof. Your emotions let me know when you're sad momma. One day I'll be big to protect you. I know when your sick momma because when your sick I'm sick too! I also know when you're high, because I get high with you. I know you're heart beat Because it's mine too. Do you know what it does to me when I don't hear your heart beat? Without you their is no me. I know you have doubts, I can feel you over thinking! Well I've had a few months to get to know you. I know that you're strong, and without t...
Hey guys I could use
some words of wisdom to get me through this detox and before I go to treatment tomorrow.
All my love,
"they say humans are social animals they can't live alone...
But you're kicking it pretty well by yourself...
I'll tell you, you start feeling lonely in a group, it's better to have real solitude by yourself" - Cowboy Bebop
They say loneliness and solitude can bring about a diffrent mood
I say that shit is clowny cause I've been there and there's nothing new
I feel no emotion like I'm flowing in an Ocean, heart is broken, broken into million pieces cause I left it open.
And now I'm smarter and I'm harder but my blood went colder
Well I guess that's the pain that comes with getting older.
And I'm exhausted from the weight that I hold on my shoulders
Seems like my problems star...
So it begins,
what is supposed
to be my
My last hoorah.
“You always say that”
-all my friends
They’re not wrong!
This weekend I go to treatment.
one of my
iOS screen time app
last 7 days.
high or not,
I have become
O B S E S S E D
To say it has been
would be the
of the year.
Broken heart 💔
Time : 03:35 AM
Ki ab main tumhein bhul chuka hun, ab tum wapis mat ana,
Ki tumhein mujhe chode hue kuch 4 mahine aur 20 din ho chuke hain.
Is samaya hum aur ladkiyon ki bahon main madhoosh ho chuke hain.
Ye galat nahi hai tumhari yaad ati nahi hai,
Han lekin ab subha, shyam ati nahi hai.
Ab mere pas kalam hai kagaz hai,
Tumhari yad main shayri hai.
Dil main bhuj chuki is aag ko jalana mat,
Ab main tumhein bhul chuka hun,
Meri Zindagi mein wapis ana mat.🙂