I did it again. $100. A bottle of cheap vodka and dinner for 2 from Wendy's, plus the $60 and taco bell dinner I got 2 nights ago.
I wanted it to feel good i wanted to enjoy it but my body went numb and my mind went blank ... i forgot how to fuck. I forgot how to give head. It all hurt and i couldn't breath. My body made disgusting nosies... i had gross green snot bubbles smeared over my lips and in my eye brows. My pussy sang like a whoopie cushion with each thrust . I tried to get drunk slamming shot after shot but I couldn't catch a buzz to save my life. He loved it though he came all over my sloppy cunt. Then I ushered him away despite his kindness and genuine respect for me . I have a...
Where are you!!? Again!!?
What the fucking hell is this?
This fucking illness takes the fucking piss!
There I was looking at inner bliss
Not too much care, for that nor this
Moving toward a future, hit or miss
Now this shit?
But in my quagmire I cannot brood
And frankly I'm not in the mood
I know the thoughts that will intrude
The sails are up and the ship is crewed
Wooden legs, arms and vision screwed
Down the Pitt?
Or wishing well?
I write this not as to complain
For falling in this hole again
I know the Prang, I know the Pain
I know the Fear
I know the lies
Trying to peer
Through slits for eyes
I'm Sorry dear
Do I know those guys?
The food is here
The Poppy's Field
As I walk through gorgeous field's
My finger's caress the subtle poppies
A sensual love sobbing.
My head held low
Crying hopeless tear's
My endless regret,Wasted year's.
Her euphoric kiss
Taste's so sweet
Silk wrapped skin
O' what bliss
Take my bouquet away
Before I die.
My inner thoughts
Not everything is escapable, when it’s pushing a path down your throat into the pits of your stomach... how do you silence it then? When it feels as though it’s pulling your inner eye lids back when all you want to do is only see darkness, how are you suppose to view the world differently? When it settles inside where your souls should be and begins pushing && pulling your skin to the point of uncontrollable irritation, how do you sit still? Making your ear drums pound but at a pitch so high that your first reaction is to pull out the broken head phones how are you not suppose to listen?! It’s everywhere I go, clinging to everything I touch, covering me as though it were a...
You make me scrambled eggs. I make you coffee.
We Netflix and Chill with few rounds of vodka.
You roll a joint and we head straight to the balcony.
There’s someone on the door. Ohh wait! You’ll have to hide me up.
I hide behind your closet and find some old pictures.
You’ve always had those cavernous eyes.
I hide the picture in my pocket when I see you coming back.
You come closer and start kissing me, slowly and then passionately.
We decide to make love on couch this time.
We make this a routine for at least a weekend every month.
Until a few days back, when you’ve started avoiding every chance to see me.
You confess today you’re no longer into me.
There’s a lump in my throat t...
I'm supper terrified that it will end in another police raide. I have been in so many loved the years it's always so embarrassing and so inconvenient. The last racked me up some charges and I'm currently running on a few warrents that will no doubt land me in jail for at least a couple weeks-to start.
There is no reason for them to raid here- yet. I don't sell dope out of this house however I do get it for friends and family while they sit and visit with us and drink coffee. Also i have been known to show kindness to dealers and let them stay the night here when they don't have anyplace to go. Which has blown up in my face a 1000 times.
ok ok ok! I'll be honest there is no justifica...
I’LL NEVER FORGET
2 years sober, 5 years sober,
10 years sober and so on.
It didn’t matter what I had been through good and the bad
What mattered was I had a solid foundation in recovery to build a life as a young adult
I was never ambitious, kinda wallflower, dabbler in many things but I wouldn’t walk through my fear to pursue my dreams.
The one constant in my first 10 year sobering life was that I was so strong in how it was the one thing I was proud of in my life. I did that all on my own, making a conscious decision every single day not to drink or drug. I felt so accomplished. With the help of a lot of support in place. And my strength in my core being from that I will alwa...
Feeling as though I’m forgetting who I am and becoming someone I’m not as I become lost in a world that doesn’t exist. Inner thoughts becoming distant as my physical body goes through the motions. Drowning in to much chaos but diving deeper as though it is my only salvation. As the past becomes a mere memory the future only becomes more unclear.
Hello there Mr Inebriated,
I trust you’re doing well all things considered.
I just had to clear the air about a few things;
1. First and foremost your neediness for validation is really on my last fucking nerve and I can hardly stand talking/texting you because no matter what the subject, it comes out. Instead of saying you miss kissing me, you ask if I’ve been missing your lips. Instead of saying you dream of me, you ask if I’ve been dreaming of you. I can hardly stand how much validation you need. It’s a real problem cause I hate stroking your inflates ego with bullshit pettiness that really doesn’t mean diddly squat. Just stop already. If I miss you, I’ll be the one to t...
"We're all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice." - JmStorm
I'm sorry I was faded for a conversation
I stayed silent around your love
I was overly medicated for our phone call
I didn't know love was more than just a saying
I never showed you how much I really love you
I went through our life without showing you what love is
But I need you to know
That I'm terrified of the future
Because without you I'm nobody
I wish I would've had my phone at KFC tonight. The BBQ big crunch stacker. Double. It was so greasy it slipped out of my hand, off the table and right on my grandmother's lap haha. Ruined those pants for sure. Ive been home for an hour now and it's finally hit me. My stomach is too heavy to move off of this lazy boy. Now with that added to my weekly diet along with bigmacs, sweet and sour chicken, roast beef sandwiches and endless coffee Ill probably live forever.
I talked to an Aussie girl on and off for about 6 years online. I pushed her away again. I've done it several times over the years., She'd block me, I'd look her up a few months later and we'd talk again until I ruined it again. T...
Alone in the dark
Nothing is as is seems
No one knows im here
Nor can anyone hear my screams
I lay here and wonder
If this lifes worth defeating
Would it all get better if my heart stopped beating.
I close my eyes
And feel closer to death
It happens that way alot
When your addicted to Meth.
I have no real friends
Only people to get high with
People i see in jail and strangers i may die with.
Its tiring its lonely its not the life i wanted to live
Ive done things i cant forget
And things people probably cant forgive.
You see, that's the thing about Worry, my love,
You find yourself tuning into it,
The moment you are alone.
Like an unending novel you can't wait to complete.
From one scenario to the other,
Your mind unwinds down the familiar spiral.
There's always another worry to worry about.
There's always more string than pearls.
You see, that's the thing about Worry, my love,
It doesn't require a rooftop balcony,
Or a designated area.
Public Worrying isn't an offence, not yet.
There's nothing to purchase,
Nothing to deal.
You see, that's the thing about Worry, my love,
So I could go on and on ...
People are not addicted to alcohol or drugs,
They are addicted to escaping Reality....
I can still see them;
Smell them; taste them - the smoke filled
Rooms of my childhood.
The essence lingers forever - in the walls, the carpets, your
mind, and your soul.
#SmokeFilledRooms #NovemberFalls poetry challenge
I just got done eating some yummy pizza, and I’m glad that it’s the weekend because I’ll be able to relax, which is awesome! 😎 I never used to enjoy relaxing when I was younger, but as I’ve gotten older, I appreciate being able to relax so much more! Relaxing can rejuvenate your body in ways that you wouldn’t believe, and relaxing even for a little while can make the biggest difference!
We just turned our clocks back last weekend, and it’s 8:45 PM here right now, even though it feels like it’s midnight! I wish it would stay light outside year-round! That’s wishful thinking though, right?
As the holidays are fast approaching, here are a few questions that are on my mind co...
Halloween, Samhain or what ever name you call October 31.
It has been one year of being smoke free.
I know I still have a problem because I still crave it. I still think about it. Every now and then I forget and look for my pack.
I still find it hard to breathe sometimes. Especially when I'm walking, that seems to be the hardest.
Although, being sick isn't as bad. I don't cough as hard or as much and my chest doesn't hurt. At least not like it used to.
I can be around people smoking that does not bother me or make me crave. I only crave when I'm alone and my thoughts are running wild.
I have an addiction and I know it. I am recovering. It has been a year without it.
She feels complete..
With a thought of his presence in her life.
Just to make her feel happy & alive.
Just like a warm coffee in her hand
While watching cute little turtle playing in a jar kept on a stand in her studio apartment since she chose to slow down to breathe and not to chase what's not belongs to her in this life .
It's been a hard couple of months..
Trying to make it work...
For our children...
For our family....
You say you love me...
You say you care...
You say you'll stop doing things...
You think I'm happy...
You think I'm fine...
You think we're alright now...
Couple of months go by...
You got brave...
You did all them things again...
You didn't come home for 11 hours...
Your daughter cried herself to sleep because your the only one she wanted...
You didn't believe me...
She tells mummy she likes daddy...
But yet when you yell she crys and comes to mummy...
She's scared of you...
So am I...
The baby doesn't know...
You think your safe...
But neither ...