I asked her to prove to me, that she was real. She nibbled on my earlobe (felt real to me)
It seems she has
went away too.
Crazy shit though, my kitten, named kisses. Just nibbled on my ear. I guess it's true; every man needs to get a little pussy sometimes.
The race-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.
"What's the matter! Didn't I satisfy you?" he asked.
"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my breasts and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"
"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.
"Nothing, but then you felt between my legs and yelled, 'who left the garage door open?'"
I have just two things to say.
1). Stop snoring.
2). Eat radishes for a healthy ear drum.
3). Stop at a gas station, now, please we’re scared and hungry!
Sausage eggs and quesadillas make a baby happy for food!
It doesn't matter how much loud your alarm sounds
The thing that matters is how many times you snooze your alarm
If you want to get rid of
I promise you
It makes the run fast.
You know you're out of shape when you get out of breath putting your seatbelt on.
My mind got blown out when I realized
Cupid and Stupid rhymed perfectly.
My analogy to the phrase: "The glass half empty."
"I can only taste the missing ingredient."
Inspired by: My Sisters Home Made Stuffing.🤣
Happy Thanksgiving a few days too late😋😋
p.s. My Sisters stuffing was awesome!!😄
I long for sleepless nights, at last
To seek out pieces of my mind.
I long for frozen winter bites
The snakes that coil up too tight,
To long for matter nonetheless should ever end in pain,
Perhaps it has always been the poison in my veins.
People who write “not for hookups” on Tinder actually believe in Santa Claus.
Sometimes you meet people who change your life for better
Those people are called bartenders
He wanted nothing more than her love. To just hold her and love her...
Unfortunately for him, he simply can't hold too tight. Blown up can result in deflation if things get too rough. She doesn't come with a warranty!
" Well Shit " he grumbled frustratingly
I'm sorry if I get a little annoying when I send you a bunch of things. I just send you things that I think might make you laugh. You laughing makes being annoying a little worth it.
He wanted nothing more than her love. To just hold her and love her.
Unfortunately for him he was an electric eel and she wasn't. For her their embraces were shocking.⚡⚡⚡💏
"The end was near. Everyone knew. But it wasn't easily discussed. As he was laying in bed, everyone silently stood around...."
Wondering why the doctor was sleeping in his clinic bed even though it was already time for him to get back to duty after his power nap and who was going to wake the angry doctor up!
Words are what they are,
What you make of them,
Perception maybe a done hazard
Or a goblet of cayn purple flame,
Scarring inside ,
Breathing thin from the viscous air,
Reality hits hard for the harsh is yet to come
The life of Fables feels a bit too surreal,
The way it pours down on the bounds about to be loosen,
And when it flows to the ropes,
Ashes fell into oceans
These waters always complained of her blues,
My ashes too dark she holds in her creaks her burrows,
Ones whose counts reminds her ,
Of the times she has suffered vain,
Or the sounds of shovel been raised,
To make another dent to bury the sins.....
Free Sex with Fill-up
A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a local "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, if he guessed correctly, he would get his Free sex.
The buyer then guessed 8, the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up, again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed this time, again the proprietor s...