Dear Day He Died,
i don’t remember if there were dogs barking, birds chirping, or how hot it was outside. all i remember is my world slowly toppling over as i went from worried to trembling with terror. i have never again felt that agonizing sensation that flooded through every pore causing such chills, that momentarily i thought i was dead with him. the mind has ways to protect us from certain pains. my brain thought it best to stop functioning. i returned to kindergarten grammar and even started throwing a tantrum. had it not been for my parents calling for me to open the door, i probably would have continued to react in the infantile manner. each step i took seemed to last an eternity. i...
My momma used to
To keep certain body parts to
They were for me alone.
Was her grown-up word.
My momma used to
About those untrustworthy
I was smart- I understood
I would scream if they tried.
She said we should
She pulled me under the
We were little girls
We had play dates.
We played with
But didn't I know better?
Hadn't I been taught?
Didn't sound like
Not when life
Was limited to just
I never told
He looked at me
With a hope that
I will buy atleast one.
He can't tell anyone
selling balloons in midnight
is not what he chose for fun.
But i read his eyes which
Defines him without tearing his
Self respect to be what he is..
His family responsibilities
fall on his tiny shoulder,
Since his father left them
alone in this harsh shore.
He too love books, every morning
He has to getup to reach his school.
He is still looking at me
With a hope that
I will buy atleast one….
on the last day of high school, my english teacher asked me to wait outside of class. she assigned a quiz to the rest of the students but joined me in the hall for the remainder of the hour. we sat on the bench that was adjacent to the library. at first, we just sat there, no words, no movement...just sat in silence. i thought about my first day and how she smiled at me as if she knew me. perhaps we were acquainted in another time in a far off land...someplace, where the age gap was insignificant to us. we existed solely to compliment each other...not to satisfy social norms. this all raced through my head. then she placed her hand on the bench next to my leg. instantly, her moveme...
Music...We Are Nothing
the sound exploded in my ears and then found its way into my chest. the melody was one i would grow to love. i was only 6 years old but i felt the music rush through my veins and numb my thoughts. it was a palpable little beat but it soared across the room and pierced my heart. i never felt alone when billy joel was serenading me. i remember watching his music video and wanting to be as cool as he was or at least one of the dancers. who was i kidding...i couldn't do it even if i had the chance because i was too embarrassed to dance in front of anyone but when i was alone i would dance as much as i could. sometimes my aunt would babysit us and she'd play all the records...
i’m writing to the world…i don’t remember much but i do remember this…i want to dance and i fucking miss having friends. but most importantly…i miss you my love…i miss you everyday of my life and i miss you every time that i cry. i still feel your lips kissing my neck ever so gently. no one will ever replace you. i wish you all the happiness in the world. i'll keep dreaming that you'll come make love to me.
chucky azarati rhesus
Tormented With Ambiguity
morning is here but the sun isn’t out yet. i gasp for air and reach for my journal to quickly write down my dreams, before i forget. last night i couldn’t sleep. shadowy delusions were chasing me. i sought shelter in an abandoned building but every flight of stairs offered new phantoms. when i closed my eyes i woke to another frightening illusion. i was powerless to these dark visions but i continued to outrun them. i told myself to get up and stop these nightmares at once, but i couldn’t. the further i ran, the more daunting each hallucination grew. i couldn’t see who i was so afraid of but the fear was so intense that i had to keep moving. my legs stopped working ...
LIVING A DREAM I NEVER HAD
i woke up to a dark room i didn't recognize. i felt immediately that i was going to be attacked. i was shaking from fear and my heart was pounding in surround sound. as my eyes were adjusting to the obsidian room, i scurried to my feet and blindly searched for the door. as i found the knob i felt someone standing behind me. i quickly swung the door open and just as the light entered the room...i woke up, again. this time i was safe in bed. i was about 5 or 6 when i first had this dream and i've had it repeatedly over the years. tony (my brother) was about 6 or 7 and i remember thinking, as i sat there in bed, that if i could just see his face that i would be ok. ...
tonight is thursday jan 5. we are at amp room, a local establishment in the city. although, it feels good to be out and about, i can't shake the feeling of wanting to retreat into my room. i'm suddenly hit with this overwhelming need to sit and write. i always have a journal for this sort of thing. quickly, i race to a cozy corner at the end of the bar. it's like i could hear the ink calling at me to release it from the barrel that imprisons it. all my ideas have been thoughts and no thought is completely original. to be comprehensively original is to be an absolute mess. i'm somewhat of a mess but not in the brilliant way that would start a movement, like my hero jack kerou...
The Best Memories Are Hidden In Dreams
welcome to the dreams you don't see. have no worries. you were mean to connect to our world. hello. sleep no more. goodbye. sleep like a baby starts the season. stop, look and listen. first there was what it is. half the story. real life for a day. next up? remembering the other side of reality. wild magic. which side will you choose? a long way from let's do lunch. getting up. going places. grasping the future. everything we do. growing a view. just a little make believe in mind. here we go! your chance. today's your day to shine on. we are where this is...you are not alone. never panic. you have the power to touch the future and cr...
The Stranger I Haven't Met
what is there to say? all my words are stuck in my esophagus and all i can think about is how loud my neighbors are being. i tremble with hostility and hearing their laughter infuriates me. i used to be like them, once upon a time, drinking and laughing. now i'm nothing more than a troglodyte bitterly sneering in their direction. just a few drinks ago they were talking about fighting and being filled with rage, now they stumble about and pour their hearts' out like coffee filling the many mugs on a lazy sunday morning. heartache is a son of a bitch...it brings statuesque and heroic men to their knees and turns elegant and beautiful woman into vicious gorgons. that ...
it’s me, chucky, writing unforgettable unstoppable letters. putting a few romantic moments in your heard. i am the chapter in a book, waiting for the thing you can’t buy. the love that we love to meet. i lived a great modern romance for years. think you know what makes us different? we’re just emotions playing hide-and-seek. you’re the best form of inspiration. it’s like you’re always exploding with the most brilliant stories for the heart. what kind of lover do you love? i’m starting to miss the passion inspired by a simple classic crush. it’s going to be morning now. our dream has the true answer. the dead voice of GOD often says nothing else. my best friend makes me laugh...
THERE ARE NO FISH LEFT IN THE SEA
i'm hitting the single life the way one should...one night stands here and there but i've realized that the only reason they are one night stands is because the majority of these women are just looking for that lesbian fling they forgot to take advantage of in college. so i'm doing my duties as a very honored member of the lesbian/queer community. the sad thing is as much as i should be enjoying it...i'm not. i leave without even saying the lame one linter "i'll call you" because they don't want to hear that and i sure as hell don't want to say it. don't get me wrong, all woman have a certain appeal, but i don't know them lo...
when life doesn't suit you...wear jeans.
to be a teen in the 90s was very liberating, well for most kids it was. no matter what music you listened to or what clothes you wore you were considered alternative. i mean there were guys with long hair having lunch with ghetto thugs who had neck tattoos. then you had cheerleaders that were coloring their hair purple and wearing baggy pants while kids became popular for being able to maneuver a string from their nose through their mouth for no other reason but attention, when in fact just 2 years prior those same kids were being teased for doing the aforementioned act that was now making them popular. music was just as liberal as ...
Recordarte hoy es arrugar mi corazón cual papel desecho, pero tenerte en mi mente es mi mayor bendición.
Ni el tiempo ni las circunstancias podrán destruir el amor que me has demostrado y por el cuál yo te amo también.
La luna es eviterna, tal como nuestros momentos juntos... Tal vez solo en mi memoria fotográfica.
Soy Inmortal porque no podrás jamás olvidarme.
De la forma que lo veas, de la forma que sea, eres y siempre serás el amor de mi vida. ¡Gracias!
"sometimes we smear it. Each and everyone at some point has hurt us immensely the actions we take. However, the moment will come when everything will be a simple memory."
So yesterday I was searching for something inside a cupboard and in a corner I saw a hardcover book. I thought it might be an old used diary but when I thought of giving it a try, I pulled it out and when I saw the cover I thought it's crap but when I turned the cover over, I saw an old photo. A photo of my grandpa holding me in his arms. Well, he's no more but is still with me because of the photo.
Later I had a real regret of never seeing that photo earlier. And suddenly when I closed my eyes for a minute, out of nowhere memories of me with him just flashed and I relived the moments spent with him. When I opened my eyes, I cried because a thought that h...
Just because I can't remember my pain,
Does it mean I've never been hurt?
Just because I can't remember how or why,
Dies it mean nothing really happened?
Just because I forgot and can't recall,
Is it not real?
with yellowing edges,
memory’s sepia stained heartache
stored on silk linings in an old oak chest
beside trinkets and vintage polaroids,
and music filled with lyrics
that carry an underscore of sorrow
i am bound
in the ropes and chains of yesterday,
drawn in by the things i’ve outgrown:
stories that hide behind the silence
that lingers here
in this space
in this hush