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Chrisse Tiana

PO# 338483
Philippines
Philippines
My heart yearns for joy; my mind, peace.
October 13, 2019
 

I hate this place.
I hate who I’m with.
I hate my circumstances.
I hate being dependent.
I hate all of this.
I hate it all.

From one cage I flew out,
straight into another.

ANNA
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October 13, 2019
 

Some men
will work their life away
in order to provide
for a better future

and yet

neglect to be
in his family’s present
and forget
that he’s part
of that unit too

GABRIEL MUCHIRI
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October 13, 2019
 

Some of the worst things
another woman can tell you:

-it is your job; some men will look at you and they can pity you and help you

-isn’t he the one providing? (said when sharing house chores was mentioned. does it mean i cannot ask for help because that’s out of his ‘providing job’?)

-suffer your own because your husband has a lot on his mind too

“I suffered so you should suffer too.”

THE DANCE
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October 12, 2019
 

I lie awake at night
Doing stuff to be thoroughly tired

Cos i really cannot deal
With all the thoughts
That pop in my head

Like blinding fireworks
They pop,
pop in my head

I need to be tired
So i can just fall asleep

No time for lingering things

No consciousness for stinging memories

No energy to be up
with my constantly
hurt feelings

POKA DOT PORTRAIT
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October 11, 2019
 

Some things
just can’t seem
to work out

No matter how much
you want them to.

MADE WITH LOVE
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October 11, 2019
 

Just because
we laugh together
doesn’t mean that
you know my hurts

Just because
i tell you my story
doesn’t mean that
you understand
my pain

Just because
you claim to love me
doesn’t mean that
you’re not the one
actively killing me

You don’t know
any of it.

You don’t know
how much it hurts

You don’t know
how long it stays

You don’t know
how much it takes

You don’t know.
The depth of my pain.

ORIGINAL
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October 2, 2019
 

Everything is
well and okay

until
that moment
that split second

a thought
a flash
a face
a word
a name

and once again
I am reminded
of why i am hurting
of why i am broken
of why I am living
In this dark place
Within me

all it needs
is a chink in my armor
and all of me
washes away
fades away

over
and
over
again

This is
the never ending cycle
of you and me

THE DANCE
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October 2, 2019
 

I don’t know
how to feel
how to react
how to be
with the things you do
anymore

Getting mad
doesn’t yield anything
Screaming
doesn’t guarantee being heard
Keeping silent
makes us believe it’s all fine
Talking
has been proven futile
Crying
just wears my soul out

I feel so heavy
and so empty

You have put me
in this fucking
endless
limbo

DARK NIGHT
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September 27, 2019
 

I listen to loud music
to drown out the noise
of all the voices
of all the flashes
of all the thoughts
screaming in my head

POKA DOT PORTRAIT
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September 24, 2019
 

Talking to you
reminds me
of how much
and why
I hate you so.

LONE SOULS
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September 23, 2019
 

The thought of you
opens up
so many buried
and unhealed wounds
in my soul.

CHIRAYU
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September 21, 2019
 

I am so
much better
much more sane
more at peace
when I am far,
far away
from you

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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September 1, 2019
 

Carpe Diem.

That’s how
I should be
with you.

In the moment.
Seizing the day.
No worries about
past or future.

That’s the only way
I can be free.
And happy.
With you.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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August 25, 2019
 

You were my good days.

SUNSET LOVE
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August 25, 2019
 

All you want
is to provide for me
When all i want
is to have more of you

JUST LOVE
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August 5, 2019
 

Eventually,
You learn to live
with the reality
with the pain
with the hollowness
with the absence

Eventually,
You see the patterns
You accept the facts
You learn to adapt

Eventually,
You’d finally see
You’d finally believe
You’d finally be free

Eventually.

Darling, breathe, smile.
Have faith, take heart.
Eventually, you’d be fine.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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August 3, 2019
 

Do i want to to talk?
No.

Why?

Cos it gets harder everyday.

It gets harder
to continuously lie to myself
that this is just a phase
and that we will get better;
that you are just
finding your way
and that you will stay
wholly and loyally with me;
that this is still our love
as we’ve always thought
and willed it to be

I’m tired.
of waiting.
of hoping.
of believing.
of loving.

We’ve lost us,
so long ago.

THE KISS
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July 28, 2019
 

I thought leaving could
and would change things
And yet, here I am
and my hatred for you
simply keeps on growing

200TH SKYLARK CHALLENGE
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July 10, 2019
 

I write because I feel.

The day i stop
writing about you
is the day i stop
caring for you.

The day i finally stop
loving you.

MADE WITH LOVE
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July 9, 2019
 

Lying here awake
I cannot sleep cos
I’m in so much pain

POKA DOT PORTRAIT
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June 16, 2019
 

Home is where the heart is, they said.

I honestly don’t know where mine fully is.

TEA TIME!
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July 2, 2019
 

She isn’t hot enough.
Her boobs aren’t big enough.
Her booty isn’t firm enough.
Her tummy isn’t flat enough.
She is not “black” enough.

Worse, he jokes about it.
Her flaws.
Her inadequacies.
Her insecurities.

It hurts to look into the mirror and see someone she didn’t want to be.

Insecure.
Afraid.
In pain.

Sex is her way out.
It makes her feel beautiful.
It makes her feel sexy.
It makes her feel attractive.
It makes her feel wanted.

But he won’t go after her
He doesn’t touch her
He doesn’t desire her
The way she wants him to.

Had they learned to appreciate, accept and not make fun of her “whiteness”, she wouldn’t feel this way.

Had she not seen how he looks at them and realize that ...

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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June 5, 2019
 

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.

Emily Dickinson

BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
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May 24, 2019
 

I have reached that point
where I just want to leave
no more words
no more tries
I just want my peace of mind.

LETTRS 2019 STAMP
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April 29, 2019
 

He was not unkind in the ways that the television and newspapers were full of. His cruelty was in his absence.

Lovely Bones

ORIGINAL
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April 26, 2019
 

They only get to you
when you allow them to.

Be unapologetically you.

CALVIN & HOBS
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April 26, 2019
 

"You are worth so much more."

He said, as he, knowingly or not, embarked on this quest to break me, give me so much insecurity, make me feel worthless, stab my heart and destroy the little confidence I previously had.

He showed me what it's like to believe, and have that faith be slowly ripped apart.

He brought out the worst in me.

I am the worst person I can ever be.

LETTRS 2019 STAMP
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April 25, 2019
 

“You’re looking at it all wrong. You’ve been blessed with a broken heart. When it doesn’t hurt anymore, that’s when it’s really over. Live in this as long as you can.”

Someone Great

POKA DOT PORTRAIT
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April 24, 2019
 

I have reached that moment.


I cannot take any more pain
I cannot lie in wait any longer
I cannot be held back
the hollow promises,
the stubborn hope,
the endless uncertainty

My soul is once again
burning, yearning,
struggling to be free.

LETTRS 2019 STAMP
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April 24, 2019

Living here
is like loving you,
it eats up
my energy,
it sucks away
my soul

ORIGINAL
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