I don’t know why I’m at all surprised. I knew the day would come. I knew it was absolutely no different than any other time, no different at all and that he will do anything in order to create justification for his pattern of behavior by using my words and actions against me. He thinks he’s so slick. Jokes on him. I don’t even look at him the same anymore and why in the hell he would wreck the way I worshipped him is well beyond my scope of any logical explanation. It’s like he’s a joke. Playing some childish, irresponsible and quite frankly nothing less than bullshit game making a most feeble and all while exerting little to no real effort to am to brain fuck my hea...
...I told him I’d be moving on up and that while my progress may have appeared to be spiritually stunted and my life may seem insignificant at the time BUT EVENTUALLY I would be successful once again and that it wasn’t going to take very long to work my way up into a greater state of perception..
I distinctly remember the look given to me.. the one that was condescending with a touch of egotistical arrogance as if to say I was shit and he was as good as it gets..
I tried to tell him but instead of actively listening, he chose to chase the pussy ..
My soul has paid dearly from playing with your fire and I still walk around smelling of singed hair and smoked skin. The burn scars still seep and ooze through my happy facade of the false smiles I use to mask the grotesque deformities I’m left with while it heals.
You are always on my mind. I literally think about you all day everyday. I miss everything about you. Your smell your touch your smile. Your coffee hair I miss drooling on your back. I miss hearing your bracelets. I miss my friend. The person I love with all my heart. You can say I don’t love you over and over but I do. I miss us so much. I believe with all my heart that what we have is together is real. Minus all the bullshit from Texas and we would have made it forever. I’ve been working on getting myself together and getting a plan so I might have another chance with you. I even got excited when I saw Austin message me on messenger.
Is it wrong to say I still am very much in love with you?
I feel like it is because of the pain your actions have caused.
Is it wrong to admit I can forgive you if only you’d admit to what you’ve done in the past to demolish who we were?
I have cried like a child over our separation and miss you so badly I can’t even bare the thought of it or it brings me to my knees.
I don’t understand why you hurt me. Why you cut me so deep. I looked past things you would’ve hated me for if the shoe were on the other foot. Read that again.
I reach out to you but you still ignore me as if I were no one to you.
It makes me feel small and insignificant and the thought of you purposely hurting me makes my ...
I’m sorry I have been so busy and just spilled a tray of paint on my freshly painted stairs after nicking the tray with these gun boat feet of mine as I was attempting to paint the walls leading up the stairs. The tray spilled down the stairs, got all over me so I had to hurry and undress, toss clothes in washer, re dress and then immediately get a towel and wet it down so I could try and save the steps I just finally finished with the protective coat just this morning.
I am so disappointed that you begged me not to give up on you and you bounced without so much as a hi, bye or kiss my ass.
When I got out of the shower and came downstairs you being gone wrecked me and I’ve been complet...
I called you twice and didnt get an answer. I'm really sorry, im not doing well at all. Ive been trying to stay asleep as much as possiblly can. I know I was wrong for leaving like I did. Im sincerely sorry. In my head when I made the decision to go I had two things playing on my mind. I felt like such a drag for you. I felt like ever since I became a part of your life all I did was cause you problems and pain. From complicating work life for you to depending on you for a roof over my head, food to eat, cigarettes, and everything else needed to live. My self esteem was so low I couldnt even have sex the way I wanted to with You. I hate myself for letting you down...
To My Dearest and Nearest
The One Closet to My Happy Heart,
Looking back in retrospect of the last nearly 5 months, my oh my have we come such a long way from where we started both literally and figuratively speaking.
We’ve somehow, by grace and grit, managed to stay together through it all so far and that’s not say there hasn’t been obstacles; from the great escape from Jack’s to the extermination of your live in parasite, as well as the removal of myself out of the hell hole I was stuck in with Drunk Dave and both of us leaving the old fat sack of doggy doodoo Jack, that black niggah.
Being broke ass broke together and not having any money for even simple groceries to staying in the...
I’m stuck in this perpetual state of indecision.
A month ago I was working out in my head the way to make the 1400 mile move from here in the north to there in the south. I was making mental lists and such of the things I would need; boxes, totes, etc.. trying to decide on whether to make a few trips or rent a U-Haul and do it all in one trip. I was actively seeking out rental houses, looking at the job market in different areas and calling potential landlords to make appointments to see the properties available. I was excited about how this would all unfold and felt so blessed to gave found something so endearing and so special. I was humbled by all of the things that were given to me in ...
What do you mean I got what I wanted? What are you talking about? I told you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.
I wish I could say I got my happy but you stole from me.
I can’t say I’ve picked up the phone to call though because you’re too little to communicate and have me blocked on every avenue .
I hope you’re doing well and I totally understand about being destroyed. Unfortunately you decided to destroy me first so...
I’ve been staying busy and trying not to think.
Have a great evening.
I’m glad you finally got what you wanted. I think about you all the time. You have no clue how many times I’ve picked up my phone with intentions of calling you to hear your voice. I’m just not strong enough to hear you tell me about everything I’ve messed up and destroyed. It hurts so much. Everything about it. Not having you is destroying me. I wish things were different Anne I really do. I love you so much.
~Talk Is Cheap~
I don’t know how much more I can take
I feel like my soul is about to break
This broken heart of mine is at stake
All this hurry up and wait
I grab the breadcrumbs like a fish on the hook taking the bait
There’s just too much I can’t relate
This shouldn’t even be a debate
My head is spinning like a disco ball
Sitting around hopelessly waiting for the call
I’m on my knees trying to crawl
Outwardly I just sit here and bawl
Can we please rewind and go back to the time when things were right
And we were tight?
Help! It’s so fucking dark !
Where the hell is the light?
It’s like night never ends
I can’t go on playing pretend
I just need you to fix this
I miss you a lot. I miss us. You can tell me over and over again that you were not my person but you are. Not having you close has always hurt but this is unbearable. I didn’t think in a million years we would end up like this. I hate myself for not being good enough. I never planned on living life without you. I’m so lost. I wish I knew how to put a sentence together that would magically fix all that I have broken. I won’t be able to erase you out of my mind like I said I would. You will be a part of me now. Everyday is a reminder of all the mistakes I made. Every morning I wake up and you aren’t there next to me. Thinking about all the smiles and laughs we had together. The confidence I h...
I hate you with every fiber in me. If you ever wondered why everything you love gets ripped away from you it’s because you are a worthless fuckhole that isn’t anywhere close to who you try to be on the internet. Your story makes more and more since the more I get to know you. Couldn’t attend mothers funeral and you ask why? I’m sure because times like these when your hormones are so fucked off that all you want to do is hurt people and play victim. and people know better then to play your game of beat me up because I’m poor Anne. Your relationship choice was weird when you told me you was there for your stepdad when he was dying but your dad dies and you don’t even bother making it to the ...
I gave her a place to stay. She was the only person I was around at one of the lowest points in my life. We developed a weird friendship from it. But from the start I knew we would never be anything more than friends. And to be honest I hate even saying we were friends. She treated me like shit and used me. But I didn’t have the drive to live myself much less have the strength to kick out the only person I’d have a conversation with. Being alone in this house and not having any friends other than her for more than a year took its toll on me back then. I didn’t care to live but her bitching and being miserable gave me an opportunity to please someone. Up until that point I’d failed at t...
I called you twice and didnt get an answer. I'm really sorry, im not doing well at all. Ive been trying to stay asleep as much as possiblly can. I know I was wrong for leaving like I did. Im sincerely sorry. In my head when I made the decision to go I had two things playing on my mind. I felt like such a drag for you. I felt like ever since I became a part of your life all I did was cause you problems and pain. From complicating work life for you to depending on you for a roof over my head, food to eat, cigarettes, and everything else needed to live. My self esteem was so low I couldnt even have sex the way I wanted to with You. I hate myself for letting you down. You are my person Anni...
I’ve already said my goodbyes. The things that you have here will be in the mail on the way to your P.O. Box on Tuesday. Do not stop by the house on your way home. I could give a fuck if I ever see you or hear your voice ever again. I hate who you are. I’m a stupid motherfucker for thinking you were any different then any other wet pussy I fucked.
I know you got my message baby. I’d block me too though. It sucks when someone doesn’t love you anymore
Sent from my iPhone
On Jun 19, 2020, at 5:37 PM, Annelouise Morgan wrote:
I was really hoping you’d at least be down to give me one last grudge fuck before we parted ways.
You know, the kind of fuck that screams with each thrust of your muscular hips as you push that dick deep up in it, that drives the ball home, “SAY MY NAME BITCH.”
The sex I had with you was so intense, erotic and exhilarating. It was powerful and driven to exceed expectations.
You moved me like no other and just writing about it gets me oh so hot and bothered.
You knew just what ...
I feel so numb from the cold in his soul that emanates through his voice, his words, his actions.
The ice is thick and freezes me to the bone.
The disrespect reverberates like a whirlwind twisting and turning over and over again in my head.
This was not a war I wanted and I certainly never started it. Yet I am forced to take a stand and fight it without weapon or shield.
I will never understand how something so good, so pure and beautiful turned so quickly into the black, toxic grime it has become.
It was as if he just woke up one day and decided I wasn’t someone he wanted anymore and threw me and everything we had created to the wind.
Pieces of me, of us,...
Learning the Ropes
Laying in bed, all cozy and nestled under cover when I realize I forgot to lock the doors... and they're way over there😳. Ugh.. I tried to reason with myself, tried to tell myself there's no need, everything is fine, no one is coming here..
but then my good ole imagination starts to kick into overdrive and .. well.. yeah, I've gotta get up and lock the doors.
Not willing to take any chances or unnecessary risks .
Dang it, I wish I felt a little more secure, a little less vulnerable... even with two Great Danes and locked doors I'm still a nervous nelly. I'm always scared that someone will try to come in.. in all reality anyone who wanted to enter isn't goi...
The Grand Finale
Despite having such adverse conditions like a tightly wound up fist thrust full force in my face, these less than stellar circumstances I’m faced to deal with despite making a reputable and honorable attempt at getting it right, in doing the right thing by putting my best foot forward and staying positive in hopes I’d manifest positive force energy. I find that things certainly haven’t worked out to my heart’s desire and have been so far, less than advantageous.
I’m trying so hard to create the best case scenario, making the best of it with a positive attitude. I’m a little nervous about my current situation and I want so badly to go home but once again due to no one’s faul...
I can be the nicest girl you ever met or the girl you wish you hadn’t met after I slice up one side of you and down the other.
Often I warn those that think beginning a confrontational verbal dispute with me is a good idea... beware.. this tongue is sharp and will pierce even the thickest skin with ease.
Last day in Tator-Tucky before making the long trek homeward bound for the Northern Black Hills.
It’s been such a pleasure to help Fridge reassess his values, rearrange his home and get his life back in order. He says me coming was a once in a lifetime opportunity.. he tells me he’s honored to have helped me along my journey into the unknown as it was mine to help him as well. I’m actually contemplating moving down here so we can get a part time beach house here on the coast... I had an offer for work already to run large equipment for a road crew outfit (something to contemplate on my 24 hour long trek)... business is good they tell me and a few friends said despi...
I believe in my heart that our breakdown should be approached with cautious optimism that it can be rebuilt so we can proceed to the next level. I believe there have been truths revealed and that self spirituality is a necessary tool that must be implemented in order to begin our healing process. I believe we are both in need of reforming our thoughts about love, issues of power and control and how to process the forward procedures in order to move on with each other.
Save me some space and I’ll do the same for you.
I understand if you’re not willing to do the work. It’s a lot and it’s a big part of growing up. Not just you, me too. But I want to be whole again and right now the way thin...
Set clear and precise boundaries~
Be stern at upholding what is intolerable
Set the standard bar high and never lower it to meet someone’s expectations but instead have them rise to meet yours.
There is someone out there who will be everything you’ve ever dreamed of and more.
Don’t force anything.
Let the relationship bloom naturally
Relationships require work.. everyday.
Just as a plants needs water,sunlight and nourishment so do you and yours.
Create an atmosphere where there’s room for both of you to grow and to evolve.
Never go to bed angry
Never fight dirty
Do all things in the name of love
Don’t belittle or demean
Do not call a...
This guy. Right here. Where do I even attempt to begin?
He’s without a doubt, hands down, the most consistently reliable and longest friend I ever had.
It’s crazy when I really sit back and think about it..here I am at 46 years old, just happen to be in BFE Texas and when the shit hit the fan, I gathered intelligence to find out I just happen to have a savior near by and its none other than one of my longest lasting friends from back in middle school, someone I just naturally clicked with since the first time we met at a party long ago at the bbq pit where the food was at, lol! We both had the munchies and we went to town on a pig roast and all the fixings.... I’ve called him my friend eve...
I think one of the most horrifying and insidious acts a so called human being can do to another human being is to betray a survivor of abuse and I’m talking ANY abuse by discrediting their story, shaming them, labeling them and otherwise using it against them in a way to perpetuate further psychological damage or manipulation for their advantage..
I’m big on red flags since my last relationship and the most recent one had a BIG ONE but this time I didn’t allow myself to get drug down or pulled under and instead kept a safe distance to watch as it would all unfold..
Just as I suspected, it certainly didn’t take long.. Less than a month actually;
I got upset ...